Monday, 17 September 2012

I never want to be content

I never want to be content.
In my walk with the Lord, that is. 

I never want to feel okay with where I am at. 

It’s okay to be SOOO HAPPY with where the Lord has brought me, but the day I stop fighting to be better and look more like Jesus Christ, is the day that I cause the Lord to want to SPIT ME OUT! (Revelation 3:16)

The Lord has stretched and grown me a lot since we’ve moved to Moose Factory.
I don’t say that to brag on me at all, but to brag on HIM.

I have asked the Lord daily to get rid of Kristen and make me more like Jesus Christ.

This request brings me to tears at times because that’s how desperately I want it.

You know, even when I moved to Moose Factory, I didn’t always want it.
Some people may feel frustrated because they WANT to WANT to be more like Jesus, but that overwhelming desire isn’t there.

My answer for that is my answer for everything.

When I was witnessing my husband’s life being turned upside down daily by his earnest seeking of the Lord and seeing how he desired the Lord soooo much, I wanted to want that.

So I asked the Lord to please fill be with desire for Him.

Don’t you think that kind of prayer would make our Heavenly Father so happy and want to answer?

He has answered, and He has given me an unbelievable desire to be more like Him
So after the desire came, and the prayers to be more like Him were spilling out of my mouth every day, the pain rolled on in.
I wish I could say that becoming more like Jesus doesn’t hurt.
But it does.

Sometimes though the Lord just shows us His grace, and betters us without the pain.
What I mean is, often He takes us through trials, and they are painful, but I’ve also had moments when I realize that the Lord just plain and simple showed me His grace and carried me through something.

Examples=vulnerability, so here I go.

I often times see how little love I have for people.
No one would ever think it, and I am a very loving person, but I’m talking being overwhelmed with love that it pours out of me from every angle.

Jesus was that way. I want to be that way.

Well a few weeks ago, while with a bunch of people, God just FILLED me with HIS love.
In that very second I thought to myself, Wow, this is God’s grace!!!
There was nothing painful about it, it was just WONDERFUL.

Those are super sweet moments, but the painful times when the Lord is sanctifying us are sweet too.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1&2

When I began leading the women’s ministry in Moose Factory I became a little overwhelmed.

I SO felt like and do feel like the Lord speaks through me and guides me fully when I lead on our Monday night bible study, but there is still something intimidating about leading women 2x, 3x even 4x my age. 

I personally would say I have no business doing it, but since the Lord says otherwise I just walk in faith and trust that His spirit in me will do the leading.

Though I believe He FULLY leads on Monday nights, on our fellowship nights (Thursday’s) I allowed myself to get in the way.

I was quenching the spirit in a sense because I was so worried about organizing everything and everything going well rather than letting the Lord take over.

I prayed a lot about our first women’s fellowship night and when it was finished I felt kind of dry.

When I leave things related to church, I want the women around me and myself to feel encouraged and closer to the Lord.
 That wasn’t really the case.

A few weeks later I sat and talked with a woman in the church and she agreed that our first fellowship was dry and that the Lord wasn’t lifted up as He should have been.

In a way I felt that I had failed.

Later that day though I realized that the Lord was answering my prayer, just differently than I expected.

This conversation with this woman showed me that I was over thinking things and just needed to let the Lord lead!

This moved me so much and even made me re-think how I go about the girl’s nights I host for the 11-13 year old girls.

This was a painful experience for me because of course I don’t like to fail, but the Lord so graciously showed me where I was falling short, and encouraged me to continue on.

This past weekend we had a girl’s night for the young (un-churched) girls of Moose Factory and I started in prayer, ended and prayer and talked with the girls about why Brittany and I do these girls’ nights for them, because of JESUS.

The whole night was centered on Jesus, as it should be.

I’m grateful that the Lord interrupted me, though painful, to help me to re-focus.

I’m grateful for the step I took back to see where I was organizing OUT the Holy Spirit.

I never want to be content with where I am at; I always want to fight for more.

I encourage y’all today to ask the Lord to truly do a work in you.
When the pain comes, joy should come also, because He’s working in you!!!
Praise the Lord!
I hope y’all have a great week and I pray that you would be challenged to seek Jesus!

1 comment:

  1. This is absolutely SOOO encouraging! THANK YOU! I sooo want to love people with Christ's LOVE, not my own. Thanks friend:) love Katie


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